So communicating well with your team is about establishing trust and a foundation for mutual respect. Let's look at some scenarios that show both the wrong and right way to communicate with your team really. You're an hour late now. The post office is closed. I just forgot okay. You're so irresponsible what's wrong with you. I just forgot okay. You're grounded you're so unfair. The father was worried and scared that something had happened to his son that fear and anger was directed toward his teen in an unproductive way. It's okay to be upset in this situation but dumping those feelings on his son won't help him from being late in the future for a more productive conversation frame the exchange with i statements that explain reasoning and fosters a two-way communication. Hey son hey i was worried about you. We agreed that you'd be home an hour ago since i needed to use the car when i didn't hear from you i thought something bad might have happened. Sorry i was at sean's house we were all hanging out and i didn't realize that it was so late until i got in the car to come home. It's all the time. Listen i'm glad you're okay. But why didn't you call when you saw what time it was. I don't know i guess that i knew i messed up. Yeah it's human to lose track of time especially when you're having fun mistakes happen but part of growing up is keeping your agreements. I need to know that if we agree on driving privileges and a time that you have to be home. You're going to stick to it. You get that right so since you were late. Your weekday curfew is going to be six o'clock for the next month really a whole month. If you can show that you can come home on time. We can talk about moving it back to seven o'clock agreed agreed. Look it's really important that you don't hide your mistakes from me and hey i don't expect you to be perfect but i can't help you if you don't communicate with me owning up to your mistakes shows that you're responsible but hiding them trying to avoid the consequences that shows me.

You're not being responsible make sense i get it hey is there anything else you want to talk about actually yeah the father used. I statements to draw his son's attention to the fact that there are consequences for his actions and this opened the door for his son to share his other concerns. Everyone else gets to stand out later. How come my curfew's only seven okay. Some of your friends may stay out later than you do and others probably come home earlier. Seven o'clock on a weeknight works. Well because you usually have homework to do and you have to get up really early for school if you get in late. Then you're up even later doing homework. It's hard for you to get up in the morning and then you're all cranky dad really you make it sound like i'm a baby. All cranky. I'm sorry cranky was a poor choice of words. I shouldn't have said that what i'm trying to say is that we all need enough sleep to stay healthy. The curfew is only there to keep you safe and healthy not to control your personal life. If there's a specific event that you want to stay out later for we can discuss that on a case-by-case basis that's why your weekday curfew was seven o'clock. The father communicated to his son that rules are in place for safety and not control house. Rules work best when teens understand why the rules are in place not just that rules exist and they must comply with them. The father did call his son cranky. Which wasn't the best choice of words and his son took offense. The father recovered by acknowledging his mistake and also modeled taking responsibility for his actions. Here's another example. See you later where are you going. I'm going to the mall with michael. Didn't michael just get his license. No way you are not going anywhere i have no life help your teen understand that the rules are in place for safety and not control. See you later where are you going. I'm going to the mall with michael. Come here please. I didn't know michael got his license.

When did he take his test to the dmv a few weeks ago gotta go. He's waiting hold on a second. I thought we had agreed that you wouldn't ride with a newly licensed driver remember. It's the lawn our state. I'd be worried you'd get into an accident with an inexperienced driver. Mom he's really smart and i know he is a good driver. I'm sure he will be once. He gets a little more experience until then no riding with him. The state has laws like this. For a reason it's unsafe. I need to make sure that our family follows the law. And so do you. If you get into that car that means your friend is breaking the law. He could get into a lot of trouble and you both could get hurt. How would i drive you both to the mall no way mom. That's too embarrassing. Look i'll talk to him. Maybe we can just hang out here okay. That sounds like a good idea and later tonight. I'd like for us to talk some more about this. I need to know that you're going to follow the law and rules all of the time. Even when i'm not around i need to know that i can trust you. Honey yeah i know. These are just some examples based on decades of research to help you think about how parents may sound to teens. Your family may look and interact differently than what was displayed in the video. Take the guidance from the scenarios and make them your own. No one knows your children and family better than you do you.